Wednesday, October 16, 2013

8 Stranded

The other night I was in the car with my family and I brought up a conversation that I really regret. Sometimes I bring up conversations that I know in the end will make me look super cool on purpose but this one quickly disappointed.
Dani: "Mom, if you got stranded in the woods and had to choose one person in our family to be stuck with, who would it be? *Minus dad and Wes."

*My dad and/or Weston would actually probably be my two first choices out of the entire human population and they happen to be in my family. I did not put either of my brothers in that category though because they both still run from bees.

Now, you must understand, the reason I asked this question in the first place wasn't because I was genuinely curious, it was because I expected her to say, "Danielle, hands down  I would pick you."

Mom: "Hmm, probably Rachel or Chase. Or Spencer."


"Well, that's because I wouldn't want to be stranded in the woods with you."

"But why not???"

Hint: If someone just hurt your feelings, never ask "why" because then they'll explain their thought process. It just makes it worse.

My mom goes on to say something about blah blah I'm girly blah blah we'd die within two hours blah blah I can't build a fort. I don't even know because I stopped listening at the first bad excuse.

However, I came up with some killer reasons of why, if you were to be stranded in the woods, I would be your best candidate to help you survive:
1. I stay super calm under high pressure and intense situations (my mom actually did give me credit for this one).
2. I don't run from bees like my brothers.
3. I went to four years of girls camp and taught every first year girl how to french braid hair. I'm almost positive that would come in handy when having to tie some kind of rope.
4. I'm super funny and if you're about to die, a little humor might be nice.
5. I read "Lord of the Flies" in 9th grade Honors English and I definitely know how to not handle the situation.
6. I have great handwriting to write "SOS" in the sand. Very legible.
7. I know how to stun a scorpion with hairspray.
8. I can sing. We could sing together and collect sticks for a hut.
9. I made up this game called, "Who Got the Better Deal?" when referring to couples and as long as we can brainstorm lots of couples, we could stay entertained for hours.
10. I watched a show once on poisonous berries.

If that doesn't seal the deal, I don't know what does.
The problem is, if you have to convince someone that you really are the one they'd want to be stranded in the woods with, it just leaves you feeling sad and empty at the end and you think to yourself, "They should've just known. I shouldn't have to convince you."
It's just like when you're convincing your boyfriend he shouldn't have dumped you for that way less cool girl so you try to give him the top 10 reasons you're more awesome and in the end you just feel mad that you even had to come up with a top 10 in the first place.

So Mom, not that I hope you get stranded in the woods some day, but if you do, I hope you're with Rachel and you think to yourself, "If only Danielle was here to tell me if this berry will be my last."

I choose to not be offended.


  1. hahaha you are hilarious. I just bought this book yesterday for my boyfriend. it could be helpful when you run out of stories and hairspray ;)

  2. HAH! Ashley, I love it! I am so buying that!

  3. OH MY GOSH. Seriously. Your traits are admirable, but really, who cares if someone is funny in their dying days, when they could be stranded someone lower on the singing totem pole & escape the forest?! I'd pick me, too.

  4. What a fun read! I heard all the voices in my head in this story and it sure made me laugh! So clever, Danielle! Just your ideas alone for subject matter are fun and interesting! One day I, myself, will begin writing again when there is more time! Enjoy your summer!

  5. @Rach.
    But you don't know your poisonous berries.
    As previously stated.

  6. I would totally choose you to keep me entertained, but I would hope that Wes or your dad (or of course my hubby or sons) would be hiding in the woods just rolling with us in laughter as we pondered our pending deaths -- and then, of course, jump out and prevent said deaths.



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