Wednesday, June 20, 2012

9 The Lone Cheetah

So, the time has come. Natalie is packing up her room and leaving. Losing the final two Cheetahs in less than 2 months will be rough, but change brings new opportunites! I think.
I'm officially the last Provo dwelling, unmarried Cheetah.
The Cheetah Girls started in Chipman Hall in 2006. A little shout out to Ash Bash, Maego my Ego, Al Pal, Ash Raz, Nat Cat, Sar Bear, Smelly Mels and Les Face. Where my Cheetahs at?!
We hit up every imaginable party. We snuck into dorms. We snuck into midget town. We went to Area 51 twice a week. We went to bed at 5am and woke up at 1pm. We (correction, mostly Mel & I), wore sun glasses on campus the next day to cover up the makeup we didn't wash off from the night before (celeb status) and Febreezed ourselves before church. We hung out with boys that were 22+.
So. Wild.

But, those days are long gone. I now go to bed at 11:30pm and wake up at 6am. Dance parties have become more scarce and instead of worrying about what boys to put on my top 10 list, I spend my time researching the dangers of bottles with BPA for my latest pregger friend.

As I was being a whiny weener on the phone the other night about the somewhat end of a Cheetah Era, it reminded John of a song that he couldn't quite seem to stop singing. Sometimes Boyz II Men can put things into words that we just can't. Pay close attention to the impressive quality of the video.

With all these Cheetahs ditching me, I've been thinking about having new friend tryouts. Not "best friend tryouts" because I've already been a bridesmaid 27 times and if I have to buy anymore lingerie for someone besides myself, I'll scream. I just need a regular friend, nothing long term.

Now, let me advertise myself for 1/2 a second since I'm all about lists focusing on me, lately.
Eh em,
If you want to be my friend, you will receive the following benefits, pinky promise:
1. My closet is your closet. I'm all about spreading the clothing love. If it's from J. Crew or Anthro I get to wear it atleast twice before you borrow it. If it's from Forever, you can wear it for the first time before I do. I'm just that good of a person.
2. I will scratch your back.
3. Every time I take a Flinstone Gummie Vitamin, I will offer you one.
4. I will watch Grey's Anatomy with you all night even if it requires skipping class and any other real life responsibilites the next day. (Sorry, this one was actually discontinued in 2008.)
5. I have more experience than anyone should at consoling a friend when they get dumped. Throughout the grieving process, you can cry on my shoulder for a maximum of two months depending on the severity of the break up and when you are in the anger stage I will deliver a threat/hate letter to your nasty ex if absolutely necessary.
6. When your new boyfriend comes over, I will try to like him 3 times before I decide if he's terrible for you and/or he bugs me.
7. I will nurse you back to health when you're a sicky.
8. I will laugh really hard at your jokes because I'm a very laughy sort of person.
9. I will make you yummy dinners because, darn it! those Pinterest recipes never tell me I'm about to make a meal that serves 24.
10. And finally, when we go on friend road trips, I will let you listen to your iPod. As long as your music isn't stupid.


***When turning your application in to be my new friend, I will also give you Cheetah phone numbers as references so they can verify all of this is true.

If you're interested in the job, please apply to be my friend before July 28th.


9 comments:

  1. I can't believe NO comments! What??? Doesn't the world know that they MUST comment on such a clever blogpost and that I just couldn't because I was too crazy busy too? Well, obviously not! So...here I am taking time at 1:00 a.m. right before I put my first missionary son on a plane to the MTC to comment on this extremely clever, cute, and funny blog post! I sure loved it! Thanks for sharing your life and your time with us! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't believe NO comments! What??? Doesn't the world know that they MUST comment on such a clever blogpost and that I just couldn't because I was too crazy busy too? Well, obviously not! So...here I am taking time at 1:00 a.m. right before I put my first missionary son on a plane to the MTC to comment on this extremely clever, cute, and funny blog post! I sure loved it! Thanks for sharing your life and your time with us! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahahhha oh my gosh. JuST DIED LAUGHING. You're awesome.

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  4. Hahahaha this is seriously the most hilarious thing I have read in a long time. You are adorable, sign me up for this friend thing! Or pen pals at least!

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  5. Can I apply? :) you are hilarious!!! Lol

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  6. Yes, it's an open audition! :)

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  7. Danielle, you are just too cute! Loved the friend list! Like your Mom said, very clever! I hope we are friends and forever. I'm not nearly as clever and funny as you are but I can be a good friend who will laugh at your jokes! Since there are so many of them, I will be laughing non-stop! You cute girl you! Love you so much!

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  8. Um, can I be your friend? Don't mind that I'm stalking your facebook, blog, insta, whatevs. all at the same time.

    ReplyDelete

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