When asked my senior year of high school what I was going to be when I grow up, I answered for everyone to see and hear, "the next Oprah Winfrey."
I left for college with my Oprah dreams still intact, but seeing as Oprah was not going anywhere anytime soon, I settled for a major that entertained a smaller audience in not only numbers but stature.
I've often been told I should have a talk show. I'm positive it's because I'm a little chatty. I'm a girl from the South and we have the gift of gab, no doubt. Recently, a few people have asked me if I knew Oprah was looking for a new host and encouraged me into trying to fill those shoes. I just knew it was destiny. I felt as if Oprah was finally handing me that golden mic (as pictured below).
Wait, what's that you say?
TRYOUTS already took place?
THESE are the people up for the job?
I'm laughing. Laughing so hard. That's a lie! I'm crying. None of these crazies have what it takes. None of them are as normal as me, and Oprah...........
none of them are as rich as Oprah and I. None of them have dads that both live in Franklin, Tennessee.
That's THREE major things Oprah & I have in common and they chose the huge chef and lady in curlers. Appalled.
I guess I'll just go back to school on Monday and continue with what I do, Laffy Taffy jokes & recess problem solving.
This is terribly depressing. I could be changing the world. I could be increasing my pay check by at least double. I could be handing out my favorite things.
America, you will regret this. I have some super awesome favorite things.
I'm just a little bummed that my life is over, that's all.